Episode 355: The 2016 All-Icebreaker Episode

It’s time for our All-Icebreaker extravaganza! We’ve compiled a year’s worth of our show-starting jokes into one convenient package. Get your eyes ready to roll with these awesomely bad tiny tales of stuff walking into bars, bad trips to the doctor, and more, courtesy of guests like Ian McKellen, Cameron Diaz, Alice Cooper, Saoirse Ronan, Nicholas Hoult, Sam Heughan, Tatiana Maslany, and dozens more. Some are funny… most are not. But there are definitely a lot of them. Enjoy!

Ian McKellen
“Walking pigeons…” — Ian McKellen
Oscar-nominated star of the “Lord of the Rings” and “The Hobbit” series.

George Miller (Photo Credit: ROBYN BECK/AFP/Getty Images)

“I should’ve told you yesterday…” — George Miller
Oscar-nominated filmmaker of “Mad Max: Fury Road,”

Kurt Vile (Photo Credit: Marina Chavez)


“Yah who?” – Kurt Vile
The War On Drugs co-founder and indie rock soloist.

Tegan and Sara (Photo Credit: Pamela Littky)

“Holy water…” – Tegan and Sara
The twin indie rock music duo.

Matt Berninger and Brent Knopf of El Vy


“Hard drive…” — Matt Berninger and Brent Knopf
The duo behind indie rock duo EL VY (pronounced like the plural of Elvis).

Aparna Nancherla (Photo Credit: Shaughn and John)
“Baby tomato…” – Aparna Nancherla
“Late Night with Seth Meyers” and “Inside Amy Schumer” comedy writer.

Darryl Bullock


“Elvis Parsley…” — Darryl Bullock
Bad music aficionado and author of “Florence! Foster!! Jenkins!!!

Tatiana Maslany (Photo by Gabriel Olsen/Getty Images for GLAAD)

“Nobody knows…” — Tatiana Maslany
Golden Globe nominee for “Orphan Black.”

Cameron Diaz (Photo by Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for SiriusXM)


“A deer with no eyes…” — Cameron Diaz
Golden Globe nominated actor and author of “The Longevity Book.”

Uzo Aduba

“Shell station” — Uzo Aduba
Emmy-winning star of “Orange Is the New Black”

Daniel Clowes


“Why did the chicken cross the busy road?” — Daniel Clowes
Graphic novelist behind “Ghost World,” and “Patience.”

Fred Stoller

“Murray, don’t make trouble…” — Fred Stoller
Comedian and author of “Maybe We’ll Have You Back.”

Illeana Douglas


“Mama’s apple strudel…” — Illeana Douglas
“To Die For” and “Cape Fear” actor and author of “I Blame Dennis Hopper.”

Saoirse Ronan (Photo by Tristan Fewings/Getty Images)

“Why the long face?” — Saoirse Ronan
Oscar-nominated star of “Brooklyn,” “Atonement,” and “The Grand Budapest Hotel.”

Amber Sparks


“We don’t serve breakfast…” — Amber Sparks
Pushcart Prize nominee and author of “The Unfinished World And Other Stories.”

Heather Havrilesky
“You’ve got a drink named Bob?” — Heather Havrilesky
Ask Polly advice columnist and “How to be a Person in the World” author.

Charles Russo


“You better not try to start anything…” – Charles Russo
Author of “Striking Distance: Bruce Lee and the dawn of Martial Arts in America.”

Eleanor Friedberger“Olive…” — Eleanor Friedberger
Half of the prolific brother-sister duo, The Fiery Furnaces, and solo artist.

Emily Mortimer


“Fungi…” — Emily Mortimer
Co-creator and star of “Doll & Em.”

Sloane Crosley

“I’m positive…” — Sloane Crosley
The New York Times best-selling writer and author of “The Clasp.”

Jeff Nichols

“Never trust an atom…” — Jeff Nichols
“Mud” and “Midnight Special” director.

Alice Cooper


“Bad diagnosis…” — Alice Cooper
Shock rock pioneer.

Kurt Vile


“Why’d the monkey fall out of the tree?” – Kurt Vile
The War On Drugs co-founder and indie rock soloist.

Kelly Carlin

“Pot calling the cattle back…” – Kelly Carlin
Author of the memoir called “A Carlin Home Companion.

Matthew Salesses


“Seagulls vs. Bagels…” – Matthew Salesses
Author of “The Hundred Year Flood.”

Olivia Wilde

“Investigator…” — Olivia Wilde
Actor of “Rush,” “Her,” and “House, M.D.”

Nicholas Hoult


“Elephant in the room…” — Nicholas Hoult
“X-Men” and “Mad Max: Fury Road” actor.

Duncan Sheik
“Two beavers…” — Duncan Sheik
Singer-songwriter and Tony-winning composer.

Kristen Bell


“The bear and the bunny…” — Kristen Bell
Actor of “House Of Lies” and the cult hit “Veronica Mars.”

Bruce Vilanch
“German Shepheard movie fan…” — Bruce Vilanch
Comedian and “Star Wars Holiday Special” writer.

Alan Cumming


“Is that flapjack or a meringue?” — Alan Cumming
Tony award-winning triple threat and “Good Wife” star.

Peter Capaldi
“Leaning Tower of Pisa…” — Peter Capaldi
“The Thick Of It” and “Doctor Who” star.

Sam Heughan


“NASA party…” — Sam Heughan
Actor of “Outlander.”

Shiri Appleby
“French snails…” — Shiri Appleby
“UnREAL” actor and director.

Greta Kline


“One egg is un oeuf…” — Greta Kline
Singer-songwriter behind the indie-pop project Frankie Cosmos.

Anderson Cooper
“‘Monty Python’ classic…” — Anderson Cooper
Award-winning journalist and writer.

Matt Berninger and Brent Knopf


“Fire in the circus…” — Matt Berninger and Brent Knopf
The duo behind indie rock duo EL VY (pronounced like the plural of Elvis).

Eric Weiner
“Does something taste funny to you?” — Eric Weiner
Author of “The Geography of Genius.”

Dave Navarro


“Agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac…” — Dave Navarro
Jane’s Addiction guitarist and filmmaker.

Will Toledo
“Two tired…” — Will Toledo
Lead singer of the indie rock band Car Seat Headrest.

Alan Palomo


“Little margarine for error…” — Alan Palomo
Frontman of the electro-pop outfit Neon Indian.

Teyonah Parris
“Soup to gold…” — Teyonah Parris
“Mad Men” and “Chi-Raq” actor.

Michael McKean


“That’s me talking to the wine…” — Michael McKean
“This Is Spinal Tap” and “Better Call Saul” actor.

Negin Farsad
“Cop-friendly falafel joint…” — Negin Farsad
Comedian and “How to Make White People Laugh” author.

Jack Garratt


“Bonnie Tyler GPS…” — Jack Garratt
British multi-instrumentalist.

Helen Zaltzman
“Turning into my father…” — Helen Zaltzman
Host of “The Allusionist” podcast.

Junius Meyvant


“You’re not so tough…” — Junius Meyvant
The Icelandic musician.

Janice Y.K. Lee
“I’ve got you covered…” — Janice Y.K. Lee
The Expatriates” author.



“You’re looking really sharp…” — Shamir
Dance-pop singer-songwriter.

Colin Hanks
“Blue bucket…” — Colin Hanks
Actor and “All Things Must Pass” director.

Jehnny Beth and Ayse Hassan


“Frostbite…” — Jehnny Beth and Ayse Hassan
Two members of the vaunted U.K. band Savages.

Leigh Bardugo
“Lonely skeleton…” — Leigh Bardugo
Author of “Six of Crows” series.

Ellie Kemper


“Agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac…” — Ellie Kemper
Star of the Netflix series “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.”

Playlist 355


All the music from episode 355.